me

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Thanks to everyone. This afternoon felt like a plummet down an elevator shaft. Mickey hadn't shown much by way of discomfort during this, much less pain. Then the pain hit. When that happened, there was only one way out.

There was so much I didn't know about that dog, and would never be able to find out. How old he really was, and what his first years were like. I know he was abused--he cowered at first when I caught him on the couch or tried to bop him playfully with the empty paper towel roll, and he was very quiet. As time went on, he stopped cowering, and over the last year began to get on the couch with impunity. Sometimes I'd catch him, and he'd get down, tail wagging. "You didn't see that," he seemed to say. "I'm not the naughty puppy you're looking for."

He grew noisier, too. Yawns. Throat-clearings and hacks so prolonged and loud that I swore he would hork up a lung. He'd greet me with barks.

Some things never changed. He always left the room when a certain type of male voice sounded from the TV. He also left the room when I swore, or yelled (to myself, or sometimes at King, canis oblivious). He sensed anger even if it wasn't spoken. He was very sensitive to mood. Maybe I don't want to know what his early years were like.

I hope he enjoyed his four and a half years here. He was loved. He'll be cremated with his favorite Kong, and then he'll come back home.
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I am so sorry, but I am so glad you gave him four and a half good years.
He was a dear puppy. I don't know how anyone could have mistreated him. I hope he was able to forget some of it, at least.
I'm not a Christian and I don't believe in Hell, but I find the concept useful sometimes, as in, “There is a special place in hell for people who mistreat animals.” The only time in my entire adult life I started a fistfight was when I caught someone mistreating a dog. I won.

I'm glad he got four and half years in a loving home. I'm so sorry for you and King.

Edited at 2008-07-23 03:15 am (UTC)
You were good to him, and he deserved you and you deserved him.

*hug*

I'm very sorry. I'm glad you had the time with him that you did.
You just brought a major lump to my throat. You gave him a wonderful four and a half years.
You just wish you could turn back the clock or wave a magic wand. Phoenix tears. Something. Doesn't happen, unfortunately.
I wish you could have had more time with Mickey, it sounds like he was a sensitive dog with a lovely personality. My condolences to you for your loss.
*hugs*
It's so hard to lose a pet. Make sure you give yourself time to grieve for him. Don't let non-pet people tell you that you should "be over it". He was loved and knew it. I can tell from all that you've written about the dogs. *hugs*
I'm sorry...
It's never easy, but knowing you did everything you could and then some, and that you fulfilled his trust to love and care for him, makes it at least easier, because while there's the pain of sorrow, there's no sucking regret.

If you're interested, I can share the method I used to process the pain of losing Vanyel -- it worked very well.
Thanks, but I think I'm doing OK. I agree with what you said about regret. Mickey had some good snacks, lots of attention, and a last chance to ride in the car with his head out the window.

And I hate to say it, but I've had a little too much experience over the last few years dealing with this brand of inevitability, this lack of balance. It's part of life. Maybe I'm developing a jaundiced view, but I don't see much mercy in any of this. You get through it and move on, changed, stronger in some ways and weaker in others.

I tend to deal with things by pushing past them and not thinking about them. It's working now. I think I need a few weeks of avoidance before I can assimilate.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Our cat died last year, and the hole still remains. My many sympathies to you.
Behind the times...
Good Lady... I sorry I missed this whole change in your life when it happened. I saw the notice about your new canine roomie and started searching for answers, which led me to your website and the awful story. Mickey was a hoot, it was obvious you gave him a great second half of life, and I glad you're moving forward. ((hugs))
Re: Behind the times...
I didn't think I'd be moving forward this quickly--I wanted to take my time, make sure I found the right buddy for King.

Sometimes, you find opportunity, and sometimes opportunity finds you.